her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
