Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize