Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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