I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
