i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
