Taylor Swift is so right about you.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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