K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
