I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
