Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
