you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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