What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
