May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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