My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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