Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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