the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
