it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
