when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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