I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize