i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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