Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
