Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
