I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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