You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
