He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
