he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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