dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
