Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
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At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
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It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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