I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
