I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
