My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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