Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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