He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
