Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
