1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
