Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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