Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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