Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
