what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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