I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I cut my penus on the lid.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
