i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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