yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
