i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That accounts for only three of the penises
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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