haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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