Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
