You just made me feel so damn special
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
