So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
