fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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