You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
