I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
