My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
