at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just had sex on a roof
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
