I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
