Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
