the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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