Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
