I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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