I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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