remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
