Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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