i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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