You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
