well I can't set my house on fire every night
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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