I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
