you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
