i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
