I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I understand Curling. That high.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
