What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
