But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Randomize
