I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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